“Some Random thoughts on my Random Acts of Kindness Month Experiment”

Published in the Kankakee Daily Journal Wednesday, January 25, 2023

By Dr. Don Daake

Some Random thoughts on my Random Acts of Kindness Month Experiment

 “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Hebrews 13:16

In my November 30th column titled Planning” for 31 Days of Random Acts of Kindness: A Pre-New Year’s Resolution,” I laid out a plan to perform these actions. In that article, I mentioned I would give a report on things I learned from that experience.

To summarize the November 30^th column, let me briefly quote from it “(Ben) Franklin was a master at planning and kept a journal of his actions. Tomorrow is December 1st. So I’m committing myself to take a “Franklin-like” approach. And then, I will report back to you my thoughts, actions, and reactions in January.”

I think I was reasonably successful in performing many acts of kindness. But I find I’m still not much of a journal keeper. I, however, I did keep a “mental journal” and from that, I want to share some observations.

First, opportunities to perform acts of kindness are so abundant when you start carefully observing. Most of these are not life-changing events. But you notice small things like deferring to others at four-way stops and thanking people for all kinds of small things, including their regular jobs done with special care. And when you know, you must do at least one act of kindness, finding one does not take long.

Secondly, you start observing people and see something as small as a mother and daughter ringing the Salvation Army bell in front of a store. It was so easy to stop and thank them for what they were doing. In that process, I became more generous and appreciative of that work. When I asked somebody where something was in stores such as Menard’s, a few exceptional employees walked me over rather than just pointing to a section or telling me what aisle. By the way, more than half of these people were the sometimes much-maligned millennials. Thanking them for their particular act of service, no matter how small, brings a smile to their face. Sometimes I will even half-joking tell them, “someday, you’ll probably own this store.”

In one unnamed store, my wife said a special “thank you” to one of the employees for keeping the shelves stocked. The employee told her in all the years she had worked in that store, NO ONE had ever thanked her. That is rather pathetic, and you see that lack of common sense management leads to a general tone of lackadaisicalness. Sometimes, as customers, we need to bail out this type of managerial incompetence.

Thirdly, another positive act is starting conversations with strangers. Most of us are pretty good at complaining to others when waiting in a long line. But we can share many good things with other people, even in casual conversations. Having a list of topics we can share with others is a good idea. It is often as simple as observing how someone is dressed when out in public (for example, a favorite team sports t-shirt or one from someplace they have been.)  In the work environment, carefully observe what people post on their walls or desks. I have noticed the most successful people are always looking to create points of commonality. Sure, we may get a stare or occasionally rebuffed, but the ratio of positive reactions to negative is at least ten to one.

Fourthly, like any other new habit, it will diminish or fade if not nourished. A few weeks ago, telling you, I would report back to you created accountability. As time has passed, though, I have found that even 30-40 days is not enough to make it part of who I am. While I may not be as intense as I had been, the new interactions, gratefulness, and, most importantly, seeing how others have benefitted encourages me to keep working on this. But it is a hard effort!

Finally, I realized that other people do kind things daily for me. It might be as simple as waving me through first at a four-way stop, amiably greeting me, helping me find something in a store, or going the extra mile on a service telephone call.

For those of you who have moved across the state or across the country, you realize it can be challenging to form new friendships and contacts. We have been attending St. Mark’s Lutheran Church on the north side of our new city. Both Barbara and I have learned that we need to take the initiative to get to know new people. And we have. After the morning service, there is a fellowship time for coffee and snacks. A few Sundays ago, a lady named Susie and her husband Bob made it a point to introduce us to several people we otherwise might not have met for months. What a difference their random act of kindness made to us. Instantly, we had a whole new circle of people we are now becoming friends with. Sometimes is more blessed to receive than to give. That allows others the joy of helping people as well.

Trying to be objective, I would give myself a grade of B+. I have discovered the rewards are more than worth the effort for me and others.

Don Daake, BS, MBA, Ph.D., holds degrees from Kansas State University, the University of Iowa, and Florida State University. He is a Professor Emeritus at Olivet. He now lives in the Cedar Rapids, Marion, Iowa City area in his home state of Iowa. He can be contacted directly at ddaake@olivet.edu

Your reliability is showing!

In honor of my Mother’s 113th Birthday January 18, 1910, I’m placing her picture as a supreme example of reliability. Bernice A. Daake (1910-1991)

Your reliability can make or break you

Editor’s note: This is the second part of a two-part column on reliability. Published January 11th in The Kankakee Daily Journal

Two weeks ago, I focused on the reliability of companies, products, and services. In the last week or so, we have seen significant damage done to one of the companies I have written about across the years that I have admired for their reliability and service-Southwest Airlines. I remain a loyal customer for various reasons, including saving me thousands of dollars in baggage fees, change fees, etc. I will address the SWA situation in another article, but today I want to discuss the issue of personal reliability.

Last time when discussing services and organizations, I defined reliability. Let me restate this “Reliability means consistent behavior and results you can count on time after time. Synonyms include dependability, consistency, durability, and trustworthiness.” I’ll use the above definition as a framework for the discussion and provide examples for each component.

Of course, I must offer the usual disclaimer that no one is 100% reliable. Partly because we are all imperfect humans. And how we measure reliability varies from person to person.

Consistency and results you can count on time after time. I’m sure we have all experienced going into a place of business, and depending on who is waiting on us, we either go in eagerly or want to turn around and walk out. For many of us who have to transact a lot of business via phone, we can, within the first 5 seconds, know if we will get reliable or consistent answers. Have you ever “pretended” to get disconnected when you get one of these seemingly “walking/talking dead” people.  They have no enthusiasm or act like you are bothering them.  You can tell they really don’t care.

Again, no one is perfect. But one of the most miserable workplaces is when you have a co-worker or boss that is so changeable in mood that you must constantly walk on eggshells. Popular motivational speaker Steve Beck, who has presented many seminars in the Kankakee area, gives us an important principle. He says that the best people, no matter what is going on in their lives, have learned to “Leave their FUNK at the door.”

Dependability. Reliability is directly correlated with dependability. Can people count on you to show up on time and, without fail, carry out your responsibilities? As a professor, I had students who had every conceivable excuse for why their work wasn’t done, done poorly, or they failed to show up prepared at team meetings. But this type of student was rare. On the other hand, I had many terrific students who have had incredible success. They were so dependable that if they had told me, “an alien spaceship came down the previous night and stole their homework,” I would have believed them.

The famous science fiction writer Robert A. Heinlein sums it up nicely. “Ability is a wonderful thing, but its value is greatly enhanced by dependability. Ability implies repeatability and accountability.”

Consistency. To what degree is a person consistent in what they do and say. Let me go back to the product/service side for a moment. A couple of weeks ago, at a local Kankakee County area fast food restaurant (that is famous for enthusiastic service, courtesy, and great food), I had one of the worst all time sandwiches I’ve ever purchased, anywhere. In the past, the food was always good.  I had gone there dozens of times over the last ten years. Somewhere in the process, SOMEONE allowed or made a sorry excuse for a sandwich. Will I go back? Probably yes.  I’ll give them one more chance. I realize this can happen in an era of employee shortages and new employees. I suppose I should have complained, but it just wasn’t worth it.

Durability. Health is one of our most prized assets. Some people work out incessantly, while others are certified couch potatoes. Most of us fall somewhere in between. I can guarantee you that during the annual New Year’s resolution ritual, millions of “I’m gonna get in really top shape this year” resolutions were made. But in most cases, more modest goals will make it through February and probably longer than grandiose promises! Physical durability is an essential component of personal durability.

But durability and perseverance are also related. Longfellow states, “Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody.”

As suggested above, durability is a personal thing. As is often stated, “Character is the ability to follow through when the excitement of the moment has passed.”  Will we complete the work or project if we take on an ambitious job? Secondly, will the work endure or fall apart soon after completion? In many industrial settings, the best companies have the workforce sign their name right on the work.

Trustworthiness. I have used this quote before from TV personality Jim Rowe “A promise made is a debt unpaid.” If we look at it from that perspective, I’m sure all of us have unpaid debts. When indeed we discover either because of intention due to our busyness, other pressures, or forgetting our promise, having the courage to go back and make things right is an essential feature of reliability.

The writer of Proverbs reminds us we cannot rely solely on our efforts. Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. God’s name is trustworthy. Proverbs 3:5-6

Don Daake, BS, MBA, Ph.D., holds degrees from Kansas State University, the University of Iowa, and Florida State University. He is a Professor Emeritus at Olivet. He now lives in his home state of Iowa. He can be contacted directly at ddaake@olivet.edu